I

I am Melissa Margot Tuttle (formerly Ives).

I want to go workout, but more don't.

I have to get my hair trimmed.

I wish that I didn't have to workout and weight would just fall off.

I hate living so far from some of the best friends I have ever made.

I fear that Garrin will do something stupid and fall into a coma again, and that I won't be able to wake him up next time.

I hear Jason Mraz telling me to live mighty.

I search for a few last minute Christmas gifts.

I wonder when I lost my will power. I swear I used to be stronger.

I always am up for baking big, fat cookies.

I'm usually asleep by 9:30 pm and love it.

I'm not dressed yet, but have awesome pajama pants on.

I dance around our tiny apartment when I'm home alone.

I sing in the car like I'm putting on a concert.

I never go to bed without Garrin. We went a long time without that and now I savor it.

I rarely do laundry, that's Garrin's job.

I cry when I am SUPER excited; such as seeing Jason Mraz in concert when my tickets are front row, center.

I'm not always a good deed doer, but working on it.

I lose my patients nearly every day when I can't control inanimate objects.

I'm confused why people don't "believe" in global warming.

I need motivation. Help?

I should be checking the road report, it's icy out there.

I dream some crazy stuff.  Want to know what it is like to be a secret agent, or butler, or gorilla trainer? I can tell you.

Starting Now

There aren't very many people whose blogs I read on a regular basis. The one's at listed at the right I check in on every so often, but a few of them I read every time a new entry is posted. Because of this, I have been inspired.

I have a friend named Kjersti, whose blog is listed at right, who often writes about her struggles with weight. First and foremost, I admire the fact that she writes so candidly about a topic that most have a hard time dealing with and push to the back of their minds. Second, she inspires me (who also struggles with weight) to better myself. I work out, but not as hard as I should; it is hard to do it alone. I eat ok, but definitely not well. Over the past 2 years I have gained more weight than I am ready to admit to and am currently the least healthy I have ever been. I, like Kjersti, am not setting outlandish goals; I just want to be healthy and happy.

I am ready, starting now, to lose weight, feel better, be better and work on myself.

Thank you, Kjersti, for showing me that I am not alone with my struggle. I only wish we lived within 800 miles of each other to be healthier together. You are an inspiration to me.

Thank You

Some people are just dumb, you probably don't know who you are. Yet, I also know some very intelligent folks who inspire me on a regular basis. Thank you to both the smarties and the dummies for leading by example of who I should strive to be and who I should not.

I have relationships with those who dropped out of high school, and those who have PhD's. I know stark conservatives, tree hugger's and murderers. I feel blessed to have a full spectrum of examples in my life.

However, with this variety comes judgement. I suppose this is one of my downfalls. Naturally, I look up to those are most successful, and am wary of the choices made by those who aren't.

But, who am I to determine which is which?

Happy Halloween!

Now that I work for the Girl Scouts, I came to work today dressed as a Boy Scout. It got a good laugh. Speaking of laughs, I read this joke today and pee'd a little.

A cabbie picks up a Nun.She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.She asks him why he is staring.He replies: ' I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you. 'She answers, ' My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive. '' Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me. 'She responds, ' Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic. 'The cab driver is very excited and says, ' Yes, I'm single and Catholic! '' OK ' the nun says. ' Pull into the next alley. 'The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.' My dear child, ' says the nun, ' why are you crying? '' Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish. 'The nun says, ' That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party. '

Bah ha ha ha ha!

We made it

One year of marriage on September 21, 2008.

Way to go, us!

Newness

After being married for a year (yep, it's coming up in two weeks, or so), I am glad that I can still think of our marriage as new. I guess it is a plus of not seeing each other. But with talking about "newness," I must say that not seeing each other will soon become a way of the past.

I have been offered a new position with the Girl Scouts of Western Washington. I will start four weeks from now, on Monday, October 6. I have been looking for a new job since April 2007. Well, I guess a little before that, because then, I tried to work in a dental office for a few minutes, but came crawling back to the Bellevue Club. With my new job I will be advising the adult volunteers who are in charge of the girls. So, there is not a lot (or any really) contact with Girl Scout girls, but I think that might be for the best. If you know me well, you know that kids were never my strong suit.

I AM SO STOKED!!

Working a normal day job, Monday-Friday, 9-5 is incredibly exciting. Garrin works during the day, and my current night schedule has kept us away from each other about 4 days a week.

That's not good.

But... With this new job, we can have dinner together. It sounds trivial, I know, but try not having it. Ever. It's weird. We are lucky if we sit at home together and eat once a week. No more, my friends! I will soon be getting to know my husband, again. Maybe it will feel like dating, only he never leaves.

Hmm... I might have to rethink this one...

I am starting this new job in four weeks. "Why so long from now?" you ask. Because we are taking a two week anniversary vacation in the middle. I will work the rest of this week then we are gone for two weeks, then I come back for one more week. Pretty awesome, eh?

I got a new hair style, in celebration of all this newness. It almost hurts to be so cute.

Who knew that seeing your spouse could be so much fun?

Garrin and I were able to see each other for 4 days in a row. It was crazy! I had no idea that spending time with my husband could be so great. Now I understand what it is supposed to feel like to be married... You see each other and grow closer. We have been missing that for the past 11 months or so. Thank goodness we are going on vacation for 10 days in a few weeks. We need to reconnect and remember why we got married.

Funny, I shouldn't have to say that in the first year; but I guess when we spend most of that time on different schedules, I do.

We were able to spend time with our friends, too. This past weekend we went out to lunch and had people over. We also went to a Seahawks game and had awesome seats right on the field. Thanks Dad!

We definitely need more time together.

You want more, huh?

So, everyone tells me that I need to "blog" more often. But I like to write when I have something funny or enlightening to say. I am worried that if I start to blog more, you might find out how angry I really am. It is hard to find things to write about when life is a little boring. I mean, you would think that I would have all sorts of things to write about in my first year of marriage, but to honest, it's been a rough one.

Right before Garrin and I got married last September, his grandmother passed away down in Nevada. We went down there for the funeral, and so I could meet the family. It was very bittersweet. We got married about a month later and began our lives together.

Garrin is wonderful; let me start with that. He loves me more than I deserve and puts up with much more than I am worth. He lets me whine, and leave my shoes out. He will stay in bed and cuddle with me when I have to sleep in late from being up all night because of his snoring. All of my married friends told me that getting married is "like a slumber party with your best friend, every night!" Or "you will get to see each other so much more."

It is funny how when you get married, no one ever tells you that it is hard. No one ever told me about how I would have trouble sleeping because there will be someone else in my bed who sweats when it is above 65 degrees. Or that all of the sudden you will have to pick up someone elses' dishes and do their vacuuming. Or ask if you can go out with friends after work. Plus, I think that we actually see each other less, now that we are married. Garrin works from 6am-6pm and I work from 4:30pm-7am. if you look at the times, you can see that we just barely miss each other each day. This week, we will not see each other from early Monday morning when he leaves for work, till he gets home from Drill late Wednesday night. Sometimes, it is almost more like we are roommates. You know, the good kind that you never see. But that is not so good when that roommate is your husband. It can be pretty tough to keep a strong marital bond, when your most frequent form of communication is on the phone.

Neither of us are really phone talkers.

Since Garrin's grandmother passed away last August, we have had his other grandma, his uncle and my great grandma pass as well. It has been a year full of death and loss for us. But, thankfully we are doing it together. Well, as much as we can when we don't see each other. Regardless of how hard it gets, it is definitely worth it.

I have a name, try using it.

Since I was a little girl my family has called me Mo. When I got into middle school and high school my friends and teachers knew me as that as well. I sometimes wonder if my family and friends remember that my real name is Melissa. It is nice to be called my my full name every once in a while just to know that people truly know who I am, but it also can throw me off when I am not expecting it. I also am thrown for a loop when people who don't know me very well decide to call me by a nickname without asking or when someone close to me calls me something new.

A few years ago my dad was dating a woman who had a daughter named Melissa, as well. It was pretty weird to hear them talk about their kids (mostly they would talk about hers) and not be sure who they were referring to. It was even weirder when my dad all of the sudden started calling me the name that this woman called her daughter; Meliss. She and my dad called me Meliss for days and I wasn't ever sure who they were talking to. It could not have been me, my name is not "Meliss," my name is Mo. Every time they said "Hey, Meliss" I looked around to see if there was another person in the room that I must have missed and not met yet. But no, it was just me. Somewhere around the same time I invited my sister, Tae (whose full name is Shanatae) over for a visit because I wanted her to see just how funny it was to have Dad call me Meliss. When Tae and I walked into the house Dad and his girl friends both said "oh hi Tae. Hi Meliss, what are you guys up to?"

I had to bite my lip to stifle my laughter when almost too quickly in response Tae said "oh Meliss and I are going shopping." And I cut in asking if they would like to come with "Shana-t" and me. I think Tae and I only had to call each other "Meliss" and "Shana-t" a few times that day before Dad caught on that he was only dropping one letter from my name and calling me a name that was not really mine. But Tae and I still call each other those names when we are in front of our dad, just to remind him how much of a goober he was for ever doing that.

I find that a lot of my co-workers also like to call me Meliss. I don't mind so much, now that only my family and close friends call me Mo. But I think it is funny that I am called this name, that is not even a whole syllable shorter by people who have know nothing about me. Most of them don't know where I live now or where I grew up. They might know that I am married to a man named Garrin, but they have never met him, or have no idea how lucky I am to have snagged him.

Meliss...

I just cracks me up. Now, with most people who call me this, I just drop the last letter of their name, too. Garrin sometimes calls me Meliss when he can tell it bugs me that other people are doing it; so I call him Garri.

I don't mind when everybody does it. But if I call you by your full first name, the least you can do is add that one little letter back on to mine.

I'm not pregnant, so please stop asking.

I really need to get better at this writing stuff...

I certainly have a lot of friends who are pregnant, have children or are lucky enough for both. But does that mean that selfish me and my busy husband have to rush in to popping out little guys? I may not be prego, but I definitely have been suffering from some symptoms.

I have been having the weirdest dreams lately. Last night I dreamt that I was laying in bed, after Garrin left for work (like I always do), and there was a very large man working on something in our kitchen. With our bedroom door open, the bed is a straight eye-shot from the kitchen sink. So, this big guy started taking pictures of me, while I was half asleep. In my dream, I shot out of bed and yelled "stop taking pictures of me you fat bastard!"

Crazy 'eh? It gets weirder.

So, he walks out the front door and I follow him down the breeze way of our second floor apartment and as he reached the stairwell, he looked at me, smirked and jumped over the railing. When I ran to the edge to look below I found him smack-dab on the hood of a car below.

JASON CRISP!

I looked down to find my phone and call the police, when I looked up, he was half way down the parking lot, laughing to himself as he walked away. My heart was racing because of the confusion, I shouted to him to stop. He kept walking, backwards, while looking at me towards the busy road beyond. I cinched and saw him get thrown by one car passing by and run completely over by the next.

Then I shot up out of bed, for real.

I think these crazy dreams have been keeping me from sleeping well because, whoo doggy! Am I tired! It is funny how just because I am married and tired a lot that everyone automatically assumes that I am preggers. Not really funny ha-ha, anymore; maybe the first time or two. But I just get tired, I work crazy hours and never sleep.

Otherwise, life has been great since getting married. Poor Garrin got married to a crazy lady who doesn't sleep, has wicked mood swings and bakes way too many treats for any ones waist line. Me? I got married to a wonderful man who puts up with my uncontrollable bouts of sleep that hit me like a train every couple of weeks; which always seem to be on our days off so we don't get to spend time together, puts up with my random cry attacks; the ones that come out of nowhere while watching UFC, Family Guy or Reno 911, because I am too sarcastic to ever show real emotion.

He is a pretty cool dude and I certainly lucked out. Plus, my parents love the guy, so I guess I really gotta keep him, now.

I do have to say though, that I really miss my friends. Marriage is wonderful, but sometimes you need a girlfriend to talk to. I have a couple that frequent, and they are amazing, but I miss my friends from Florida and college. It makes me sad that we don't keep in touch as well. I think that the blame goes both ways and that I have fallen off the face of the earth, a little, how everyone one does when they acquire a spouse, but I think that people also push you out of that world you were in before. They think that you are busier than you are and tune you out. Sad, sad, SAD, I say!

I'm still cool even though I'm married. I mean seriously folks, I don't even have kids yet!

I promise, there is no bun in this oven.