Thursday, April 20, 2006

Don't know when I'll be back again...

I have had this nagging feeling that I needed to go visit all my friends in Salt Lake. I really miss them and thought a vacation sounded amazing.

Since about the age of 12, I have been trying to figure out where I need to move to. I know that I want to live as many places as possible and for right now, Washington is not where my heart is. I've been to Idaho and Florida. I have even lived in Hawaii and California for summers. Now that I have been back in Seattle for over a year I feel like I need to get away more than ever.

To be completely honest, I haven’t ever really had the most faith in prayer. There has never been a huge, life changing circumstance that was resolved by a prayer. Nor, have I ever had anything I prayed to go well ever turn out that exceptional. Nonetheless, I am not in complete disbelief. I have been praying for over a year where my next adventure should take me. Whenever I am beginning to take a path, temptation sets in and I get too busy partying to realize that there are better things out there. I get so easily distracted by money and booze when all I really want to do is gallivant. Through my last thoughtful deliberation process, I narrowed to three places; New York, Orlando and SanDiego. So, I decided to pray about those three. New York seems so lively and fast paced, but I don’t know if I could be that hard. I have lived in Orlando, so I know all that it has to offer, and love it. But, I have always wanted to move to So Cal…

On the rare occasion that I do get what I consider an “answer” to a prayer, it is usually in a dream like state. I tend to only remember dreams that are foreseeing something. Just about a week ago, I spent a long time thinking about moving and where to go before I went to bed. I was beginning to lean towards Orlando, just because I knew I could do it with little discomfort. But, I’ve been there, done that.


What a great night of sleep I had! But when I woke up, I shouted “Salt Lake!” With a gasp, I quickly covered my mouth.

No Way! I hated Utah. So, I’ve only been there once. I still knew that I could not live there. Like a slap in the face, I realized it was right. But I wasn’t ready to accept it.

I talk to Michelle everyday. I like to call her my Day-to-Day Advisor. On Sunday I told her about how I wanted to go away so badly and that I also needed to visit SLC. She told me to come down for a couple weeks and take a load off. A couple weeks? I can’t get that kind of time off work.

“Quit your job” she said, “you don’t like it, anyway.”


So I did.

I gave three weeks notice on Monday. Then, I am packing up everything and heading down south… east… ish. I’m not quite sure exactly what I will do what I do, besides hang out with Michelle and her husband, Shawn, and sleep a little. I have set up a few job interviews. But I have decided that because I am just picking up and changing, I am going to change everything. I have been applying for things that I have always wanted to do, but have been always stuck in the hospitality/assistant rut. This is my chance to help people, or to travel. Just do something more fun than make sure that rich people get richer.

I will stay with Michelle and Shawn for about two weeks. If I hate Utah, I will come back to Washington. If I love it, then I’ll just find a place of my own.

…So I’m leaving in my Jetta, don’t know when I’ll be back again…

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Yet Another DTR

Tyler and I have been dating for about a month now. That is years in Mormon time. But he and I decided to take it slow because of my huge fear of commitment and that fact that we are both just too young to be serious. Blah blah blah...

Neither of us has a lot of extra time during the week to spend together so we mainly are able to play on the weekends. It has been a bit emotional and pretty much every weekend he initiates a talk about the status of our relationship. But we really care about each other and it has been great, so far. But this last week, oh man, it's been a doozy!

On Tuesday of last week, Tyler decides that he did not want to kiss anymore. Why? I am an excellent kisser! His loss, really. But ok, whatever. We had talked about how we may have been moving too fast, or something. But then, over the weekend he went crazy, or he is just really dumb. But there is a chance that it is a cross of the two. On Friday he was practically my knight in shining armor and rescued me from a ridiculously boring activity I was attending and also managed to get tons of mediocre guys to stop hitting on me. But then, I ended up just hanging out with him and the boys. Meh... A few hours later we went our separate ways for the night, with only a simple hug. It was finally my turn to decide it was time to talk. I was tired of being treated like I was nothing. I know that he cared and we promise to make time the next day.


I want him to meet my friends. I have played with his core group many-a-time and it was my time. It is not as if I really have a lot of people here in Washington that I care if he meets. Just the few girls. So, Tyler, Steph (my friend), Josh (his friend, that I already know) and I go out to dinner. I really wanted it to be just Tyler and me, but I had been playing with Steph all day and I rarely have the chance to do that. Plus, he blew us off last weekend... Moral of the story... During the four hours or so that we all spent together, Tyler did not say more than 100 words and managed to stay on the phone for the majority of the evening. He would not sit near me while waiting to be seated and he was incredibly rude when I tried to be affectionate. I didn't understand and was very hurt. It is a rarity that I feel either of those ways. The evening ended similar to the one before, with a simple hug and me saying "We need to talk."


When I get the chance to talk to Tyler at the church, without a greeting, I, far too cheerfully, said "Um... I'm not ok with last night and we are going to talk, today. When are you free?" We agreed to talk after church and went our ways. 30 minutes in the church building; I let him know why I was hurt about the night before. And hour at the park; I try my hardest to hold in tears, he gets furious and tries to leave, I keep him there, he says he just wants to be friends, I say no.

What? you may ask.

Yeah, I told him no!

I don't want to be "just friends." He said that we can start over at the beginning as friends, but we never were "just friends." I don't believe that he doesn't care and we both know that I do, so there is no reason for us to part. But he did explain that we are young and he needs to play with the boys a little more than he has been. Good for him. I don't want all of his time and I certainly don't want to play with his boys. They are his. Bring me around every once and a while, but they are his friends, not mine. For the first time, ever, I think he was the guy in the relationship. It was kind of refreshing. It hurt, but it was nice to find out that he has some balls. Jason Crisp... Before I had to tell him to stop bugging me because I was watching the game and he had to ask me to be more sensitive. However, we did not end there. We drove back to the building, where his car was, and talked for another hour. Only this time, there was far less arguing and pain, and a lot more flirting, until we made-it-out.

Are we "just friends?" No

Are we BF/GF? No

Just like before... we are "kind of dating"

No talking everyday. No obligations on the weekends. Exactly how 22 year olds should be.